Life · Uncategorized

Why…

It might sound silly but this is actually something that a lot of people forget about. They will have goals in mind that they want to achieve. Usually how much they would like to weigh. But they never sit down and think about why they want to do this. Why put yourself through all the headache in the first place? So they end up not being as motivated as they could be and give up. Which has been my issue. I had an end goal but didn’t have a why.

“Your “why” should make you cry!”

As I have stated in my previous post, I have been overweight all my life. With that came a lot of bullying. In school and at home

In elementary school I was just bullied by my cousins. Biting, kicking, scratching, pinching, throwing things at me, pushing me off my bike, hitting me with chains, throwing sand in my hair… You name it, they probably did it.

Middle school was a lot different. At school kids would refer to me as “cow” in the hallways and boys would “moo” at me in the hallways. Other boys would ask me out as a joke or to get information about me to spread around the school. People would shout in the hallways and at lunch to “go kill myself cow!”

Groups of kids wanted to jump me because others would start rumors about me going around sleeping with their boyfriends. I would go to teachers, to try to protect myself because I am in no way a fighter. However, even that backfired on me. Later the teachers started to bully me. Telling me that they should have just let the kids jump me to “teach me a lesson.” Also saying that if they had to do over again they wouldn’t have helped me. I went straight to the principal and told the principal but the teachers lied to him saying they didn’t say anything of that nature. The same teachers would make “boo-hoo” baby noises and called me a “fatty” when I passed them in the hallway and in the lunchroom. Then they would whisper something to the other teachers and they would all snicker while looking at me.

I would come home and my family would make remarks about how much weight I have been gaining. Telling me that I needed to lose weight before I got any bigger. It’s not like I didn’t do anything and sat around playing video games all day. I was still in softball at this time. The team had off-season workouts; where we did proper exercises.

With all this going on, I wanted everything to end. I couldn’t see any of this getting better. Besides, everyone said that high school was much worse. I couldn’t stand to take anymore than I already have been through.

That’s when my mom moved me and my brother to South Carolina. A fresh start! And in a big high school. Freshman year was very rocky. Besides finding a lifelong best friend, there was still a lot of bullying. Rumors got spread around that I was into drugs by a former friend because she didn’t like that I got into Summer in the City and she didn’t.

Sophomore year I got into an amazing group of people who took me to church. I eventually found God, and everything seemed to be a lot easier! I didn’t have any bullying whatsoever, after that! I was just focused on school and doing what the Lord wanted of me. I graduated the happiest person I could have been. Even though each year throughout high school, I gained more and more weight. I was even exercising then as well.

Sometime in high school my mom got really ill. She was having seizures and couldn’t get any help for it because her doctor wouldn’t do anything. So I took care of my mom, brother, and myself. After I graduated high school, we had to move up to West Virginia with family because my mom had gotten really bad. I eventually got very depressed. Which made me gain even more weight.

Whenever I was working, customers told me how much I needed to lose weight because i was “such a pretty girl and there’s no sense in it.”

My family members are still always reminding me to this day.

I want to lose weight because I am tired of it being brought up to my attention. I am tired of people verbally bullying me about this. I don’t want the first thing people say to me “You’re such a pretty girl! Have you thought about losing a little bit of weight?” I want people to say “Wow. You’re such a beautiful girl!” I wanna look in the mirror and not think about what my former classmates have called me. I wanna see a beautiful woman who is always happy and spreading sparkle wherever she goes.

Now that I am finally on medicine for my condition (My previous post goes into depth about this), I can finally lose weight!

I am ready to transform my life.

XOXO, Alicia Dawn

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