I’ve never been in a serious relationship, nor a Long Distance Relationship, until now. I’ve been together with my boyfriend for 1 year and almost 3 months now. Of course in my down time, I look through Facebook and I come across relationship advice posts that people share. You know those Facebook click-bait links titled, “10 signs you are in a great relationship,” “7 signs it’s time to move on,” or, “8 signs you are in a one-sided relationship.”
To be completely honest, these never really help me. Part of the reason is because none of the links really accommodate any type of Long Distant Relationship. So, almost anything that is in a negative post hits the nail on the head. Which, me being a female, makes me worry and puts doubt into my mind. Even if I go into the post thinking “None of these posts are going to be true to my relationship because all relationships are different.” Plus, all the posts are about Short Distant Relationships.
I don’t even know if there are posts on the Internet that say anything accurate about Long Distance Relationships. If I even try to research Long Distant Relationships, I end up getting tips on how to “keep the relationship going,” how to “make a Long Distant Relationship work,” or how to “survive a Long Distant Relationship” . I’m not saying this is not helpful. It’s helpful to a point. But these posts titles are just setting you up for negativity and failure. I mean, look at the titles… When you are researching any other relationship advice you don’t get a link title, “How to survive a relationship with your boyfriend.” And if there is and you are reading that post, get another boyfriend because he is not the one…
I’m making this post because I want to share what being in a Long Distance Relationship is like because I don’t think a lot of people know. Of course this is going to be things I have learned in my relationship, all relationships are different. Please don’t try to say I am wrong about something because it hasn’t happen to you.
- You don’t have to try to “survive” a Long Distance Relationship.
He is your boyfriend/She is your girlfriend. You don’t hear people saying that they need advice on how to survive their relationships with their boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s a normal relationship.. Just over long Distances.
- Long Distant Relationships has many suck-y parts.
Obviously the not seeing each other sucks, and let me tell you: IT SUCKS! Not only that, but the whole distance thing really get into your head. It makes you doubt things that you wouldn’t really doubt being in a Short Distance Relationship.
- There are really great parts as well.
You always get excited to see each other when the time comes. And you don’t take any time with them for granted. It’s like your first date but a lot less awkward. However, my boyfriend and I’s first day wasn’t awkward at all. So it’s just all around perfect when we get to see each other again. We get to see the glimmer of love in each other’s eyes again. To me, That’s what makes everything worth it.
- You have to have more trust than in Short Distant Relationships
I’m trying to say this in the most secure way I can to keep me from looking insecure about this. Obviously, with any relationship you need trust. But with Long Distant Relationships I feel like you need more trust than normal. It’s easy to trick yourself into thinking that they are using you or don’t want you anymore because they could find someone closer. So you have to trust that they mean what they say and that it’s the truth. It’s easier trusting in this when you dont really think about the distance between you two.
- You have supportive Friends and Family members.
Personally, this is something that kills it for me. Anytime I have somewhat of a problem, my friends and family are quickly to assume the worst in the person and tell you that you deserve better. And bring up the fact “He never comes sees you anyways.” Which may be true but it’s hard juggling school full-time with a full time job on top of that. Unfortunately it’s not like he can just drop everything and come see me. And I wish my friends and family knew that and could take that to heart.
This is I think the biggest part of a Long Distance Relationship. Which I struggle most in. Communication is actually what keeps the relationship going. Not anything that you see in tip websites you google relationship advice from. A lot of the tips that the other sites say is to avoid excessive communication and communicate with each other. I feel like those things contradict each other. I also couldn’t imagine not having excessive communication with my boyfriend. I honestly get really worried that he is mad at me or something if he doesn’t talk to me within 1-5 hours. Because we have always talked back and forth even when we were dating. That’s how we became best friends before we started dating. Besides that, communicating with each other about what is bothering you is extremely important. And relationships are two people being there for each other. Where you can vent to them about anything. Communication is not my strong suit at all. But he has made me learn that without communication we have nothing in the relationship. It also goes back to the trusting thing as well.
If you come up to me and tell me that your partner, whom is your best friend, moved hundreds of miles away from you and ask me for advise. I will tell you to run away. Because you will fall in love in a way you never knew existed. You will get to know and grow with them in a way you never even thought was possible. And when you two finally see each other after days, months, or even years you will finally fall in love with the way they look at you and the way you wont take each other’s time for granted.
It’s definitely not a love for everyone. But I wouldn’t trade all I have built with my boyfriend in our Long Distance Relationship for the world.
“If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart.” ~Anonymous
XOXO, Alicia Dawn